Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Tween Tuesday: Interview with Vordak the Incomprehensible

Tween Tuesday is a weekly meme hosted here at GreenBeanTeenQueen to highlight great reads for tweens! Add your own Tween Tuesday review and share the fun!

How to Grow Up and Rule the World by Vordak the Incomprehensible
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If you have not read this book, you need to get your hands on it ASAP! This is one of the funniest tween books I have read and this is topping my gift list for tweens-you know what I'm getting them for Christmas! I've even had teens on my teen library council read it and love it, so it has a wide age appeal. It will appeal to the Wimpy Kid crowd and there's a layer of humor that parents and adults will appreciate.

I'm delighted to have Vordak the Incomprehensible visit GreenBeanTeenQueen!

Welcome Vordak-thanks for doing an interview. I know you're busy taking over the world.

What tips do you have for librarians (like me) that want to be a librarian supervillain?

Wear an intimidating mask, unleash your Evil Laugh as frequently as possible (“That will be due back on October 17th. MUAHAHAHAHA!!”) and have at least one tank of bloodthirsty piranha on hand to intimidate your patrons into total silence.

I'm so going to do that! I'll work on perfecting my evil laugh!:) If you were stranded on an island, what five books would you take with you to read?

For the sake of your blog readers, I will agree to accept the premise of this question, even though the very thought of Vordak the Incomprehensible being stranded ANYWHERE is utterly preposterous.

I would bring four copies of my own Epic Opus, How to Grow Up and Rule the World, so that as one wore out, I would have another to replace it. My fifth selection would be a manual on book maintenance and repair, which would enable me to keep the final copy of my book in acceptable reading condition for as long as necessary.

Do you think libraries can help your minions in taking over the world?

Absolutely! The greater the number of children exposed to my Glorious Guide, the better the chances that one of them ends up conquering the planet. However, every library must meet certain requirements in order to carry my Prestigious Publication:

- Your library must install a V-731 Priceless Object Display Vault to hold the book—one vault per copy. Vaults are available directly through me for $75,000 each, batteries not included.
- No other books may be shelved within twenty-five feet of my own venerable volume. Inferior words, sentences, and paragraphs must not be allowed to permeate the pages of my prodigious publication.
- Life-size statues of me, Vordak the Incomprehensible, must be placed at all entrances to your building. Contact me directly for a list of preferred sculptors in your area.
- Due to its priceless nature, young patrons who check out a copy of How to Grow Up and Rule the World! must leave something substantial, such as their parent’s automobile or a younger sibling, as a deposit.

I also recommend that libraries organize groups where children can gather and discuss all things Vordak and get to work creating their diabolically evil names, developing their blood-curdlingly evil laughs and designing their outlandishly evil costumes. Remember, if a child from your particular community ends up ruling the world, you want him/her viewing the library as helpful in his/her ascent.

Can you tell us more about your minions Scott Seegert and John Martin?

Of course I can, but why anyone would care in the least is beyond me. In fact, the task of chronicling this pair’s chronic lack of achievement is so far beneath me that I will simply regurgitate their bios from the publisher. Feel free to stop reading at any time should the contents of you stomach begin to turn on you.

Scott Seegert was selected to transcribe Vordak’s notes based on his ability to be easily captured. He is a graduate of Michigan State University and, in a former life, was an engineer. Then a stay-at-home dad. Then an engineer. Then a stay-at-home dad. Since “joining” Vordak, he has completely forgotten what fresh air smells like and has learned to subsist on a diet of beetles, shackle rust and scabs. He hasn’t brushed his teeth in over seventeen months. As far as he knows, he still has a wife and three children living in southeast Michigan.

John Martin had the great misfortune of being chosen by Vordak to illustrate this book. He is a graduate of The College of Creative Studies in Detroit, Michigan and has a degree in Graphic Communication/Illustration. He worked for a prominent design studio for ten years prior to starting his own freelance illustration business. But that is all in the past, now. John hasn’t seen the sun in three years and spends his free time counting down the months to his annual change of underwear. He is deathly afraid of the dark and spiders, which is unfortunate considering his situation. The last he heard, he also had a wife and three children living in southeast Michigan.

You've entered the literary world and I think you are doing good taking it over. What book do you think is the biggest competition that you need to take down?

Without question my Arch Book Nemesis is the Wimpy Kid. And, unfortunately, he is about 40 million copies ahead of me at the moment. Imagine—a stick-legged little middle school slacker ahead of the Heinously Helmeted Handsomeness that is ME, Vordak the Incomprehensible! But this I promise you—Wimpy Kid won’t help any young person achieve total conquest of the planet. Well, unless they were to stand on a stack of them to reach the copy of How to Grow Up and Rule the World on the top shelf.
Thanks Vordak!! And seriously, get this into the hands of the tween readers you know and they'll love it!
Add your Tween Tuesday post below and thanks for participating!


  1. Awesome interview! It's our family library night tonight. I'm going to see if our local library is up to code on carrying this Prestigious Publication.

  2. Thanks for the review. Sounds like a book I need for my library and my house! Have a good one!

  3. Sheesh, anything "wimpy kid" like will surely fly off my shelves...I'm ordering a few copies right now!!!

    Here's my Tween Tuesday:) http://www.libraryloungelizard.com/2010/09/tuesday-september-28-2010-tween.html

  4. I love these Vordak interviews! That probably means I should read the book, huh. :)

  5. If only I did interviews! These are a lot of fun. I should get my hands on this book. Here's my Tween Tuesday post.

  6. Sounds like a great read. I love Wimpy Kid, so I'll take some competition. I need a cheery book.
    Alison Can Read


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